Divorce is one of life’s most emotionally challenging transitions, and many people struggle to stay grounded while navigating the uncertainty. And for many people, divorce isn’t just emotional – it can bring legal and financial uncertainty, which makes support and perspective even more important. Practicing gratitude during divorce can be a powerful way to cope, heal and regain perspective.
When we go through something difficult, sometimes it’s simply easier to focus on what’s wrong with life than what’s right. However, when we concentrate on the good instead of the bad, we generally feel a whole lot better. Studies consistently show that positive people live longer, more fulfilling lives.
Robert Emmons, Ph.D., a leading scientific expert on gratitude, has shown that during times of crisis gratefulness is not only helpful, but essential. He states that, “It is precisely under crisis conditions when we have the most to gain by a grateful perspective on life. In the face of demoralization, gratitude has the power to energize. In the face of brokenness, gratitude has the power to heal. In the face of despair, gratitude has the power to bring hope. In other words, gratitude can help us cope with hard times.”
Whether you’re currently working with a divorce lawyer, wondering if you should file divorce papers or looking at your divorce as something deep in your past, here are six ways to keep an attitude of gratitude:
Build a support system during divorce
Joining a divorce support group can be an uplifting experience for many people who are going through divorce. Not only can you gain confidence from the support of others facing the same situation, but you may gain assurance from being able to bolster their self-esteem, too. Talking through issues and giving advice can help keep things in perspective and remind you of what’s most important.
Practice gratitude by focusing on what remains
Can’t we all be reminded to do this? It can be as simple as making a list of things you are thankful for: kids, career, health, friends, home, etc. Try and focus on things that remain after divorce, even if those things change in some way. Print out encouraging quotes to place on your mirror, in your car or anywhere you’ll be reminded to stay positive.
Acknowledge challenges while practicing gratitude
Practicing gratitude is not participating in platitudes, or a patronizing suggestion to “buck up and appreciate what you have because someone else has it worse than you.” Handling a difficult life experience such as divorce through a grateful perspective does not mean denying tough realities.
Instead, it means harnessing the power to see and name even the smallest threads of beauty that are woven into suffering. It may also be helpful to remember that divorce does not have to be as difficult as we make it.
Find perspective by helping others
One of the best ways to give yourself a boost is by giving to someone else. Find activities and places to volunteer. Food banks, homeless shelters and so many others need extra help, especially during the holiday season. Being a support for someone else will take the focus off your problems and help you see the immediate results of helping others.
Reconnect with joy outside of divorce
Getting involved in a new hobby or pastime can bring a new excitement to every day and be a reminder that there is so much more to life than divorce.
How gratitude supports long-term healing after divorce
After collecting countless stories about joy and gratitude, Brené Brown writes in her book The Gifts of Imperfection that without exception, every person who described living a joyful life actively practiced gratitude. These people kept gratitude journals, wrote thank you letters, offered gratitude prayers, created gratitude art or took gratitude walks. They actively participated in a gratitude practice every day.
Brown suggests that we are a nation hungry for more joy, because we are starving from a lack of gratitude. She goes on to say, “If we are not practicing gratitude and allowing ourselves to know joy, we are missing out on the two things that will actually sustain us during the inevitable hard times.”
Frequently Asked Questions:
- How does gratitude help during divorce?
Practicing gratitude during divorce can help reduce stress, improve emotional resilience and create moments of clarity during a difficult transition. - Is it realistic to feel grateful while going through a divorce?
Yes. Gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring pain – it means acknowledging challenges while still recognizing moments of support, growth or stability.
- What are simple gratitude practices during hard times?
Simple practices include keeping a gratitude journal, writing thank-you notes, reflecting on daily positive moments or taking mindful gratitude walks. - How can I stay positive during divorce without minimizing my feelings?
Staying positive doesn’t mean suppressing emotions. It means allowing space for grief while intentionally focusing on small sources of strength and support. - Are support groups helpful during divorce?
Many people find divorce support groups helpful because they offer understanding, shared experiences and emotional reassurance during a challenging time. - How long does it take to feel emotionally better after a divorce?
There is no set timeline. Healing varies for everyone, but practices like gratitude, support and self-care can help improve emotional well-being over time.